Hello there friends and happy Wednesday!
I find myself writing this post facing so many different emotions but grateful that I sat down to post. Last week I was finally able to make time to go see my doctor after a hectic semester and exam season. I have been dealing with sinus problems (like- they literally don't work) since September and have been to a few doctors and am meeting with specialists this week, but I have been feeling extra unwell the past month. For the past month and a bit, I have had a constant headache that has never gone away. I got to bed with it and wake up with it. Needless to say, it has really been affecting my day-to-day life. I was able to see my doctor but ended up in the hospital this past weekend (on Mother's day mind you) because I had lost vision in my left eye (the same side of my head that has been burdened with headaches). After tests we discovered that there is something wonky going on inside of my eye, causing swelling and shadowing. So, I got sent to a specialist on Monday where I sat through more tests, all of which led to the conclusion that I need further tests to figure out what is causing these problems and the deterioration. So, now I wait for an MRI which will hopefully be able to help us better understand what is going on!
There is a part of me that is really hoping that this is all somehow connected; that my headache and optical deterioration is being caused by my sinus problems. But I have to tell you, I am feeling defeated. I am tired of people making light of the situation and assuming I am being dramatic. I am tired of hearing the joke that I am always falling apart. That joke, while I understand is not ill-intended, actually really hurts my feelings. I don't want to feel like this, I don't like having to complain and more than anything, I wish that I could feel good everyday.
I am tired of people telling me that it is because I am too stressed or because of all of my school work. I am tired of being TIRED all day and wanting nothing more than to go to bed at 730 every night. I am tired of waking up everyday and having to accept that it's going to be another day where I just lay around and try not to throw up because of my head pain.
I know complaining is not helpful and I know that it only makes me feel my own misery more, but I honestly just needed to write it out and give a voice to what I am feeling. I know that I have so many people working to figure out what is going on and I am very grateful that we are starting to get some answers. It does bring me some peace knowing that this is not just in my head (no pun intended) and that doctors can see problems and irregularities in my eye etc. That means that we are just one step closer to getting rid of the pain and discomfort. I know that this is not a typical post, and I am sorry if you sat through this and feel let down that it was so personal. But as I have always said- this is my space, where I can choose to be personal and express myself.
BUT- I did also include this gorgeous outfit which is absolutely painless on your wallet! I have linked everything above so that if any of it catches your eye, you will know where to find it!
Thank you for sticking with me and reading along. I love you all so very, very much.